Jiffy Mix: Counterpoint

Let it not be said that Dead2Us™ discourages open debate on whether some person, place, or thing should or should not be dead to us. The following correspondence by a dead2us junior staffer expresses disagreement with a recent posting on the shittiness of Jiffy Pancake and Waffle mix. Indeed, there has been some conflicting opinion regarding Jiffy even before this letter was received. We at dead2us are concerned with the trend of Michigan companies (e.g. Fridgidaire, General Motors) that have become dead to us recently, and were sad to see Jiffy also categorized as such. We leave it to you, dear reader, to make your own determination.

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Dear editors of “Dead to Us” “blog”, I am seriously disappointed with the quality of your “blogging” of late. The editorial that was posted regarding Jiffy Buttermilk Complete Pancake and Waffle Mix was both disturbing and misleading.

My personal satisfaction with this product has been, as the name states, complete. Not only has it proven quick and easy to use, but has exceeded my expectations. The taste, texture and aroma of Jiffy Buttermilk Complete Pancake and Waffle Mix is unparalleled in the instant food product market.

Unlike some of your readers, I am a single man living alone. Between the requirements of my job and various single man hobbies, I find very little time to prepare mouth-watering meals from scratch. When I do happen to decide not to partake in delicious left over Hot and Ready pizza or make a trip to McDonalds for a McGriddle or two, many times the ingredients for a breakfast feast are not readily available, or fit for human consumption, in my pantry. I have made the mistake of purchasing pancake and waffle mixes requiring such items as eggs or milk in the past, only to find lumpy milk in expanded cartons and eggs that expired in June of the previous year in my refrigerator. What is one to do then?

The one ingredient that I can always rely on being available is crisp cold tap water. What can one do with that, you might ask? Jiffy Buttermilk Complete Pancake and Waffle Mix is the answer. Jiffy Buttermilk Complete Pancake and Waffle Mix has been a godsend to my household. Whereas breakfast at home used to consist of a cup of instant coffee, a handful of nacho chips, and a cigarette, now I can enjoy delicious fluffy pancakes every morning! Sometimes I even throw some bacon in the microwave, and live like a king.



Sure they’re not up to par with breakfast food made from actual dairy and poultry products or a stack of steaming Hotcakes from McDonalds, but what can one expect from a product requiring only water to bring out its internal goodness? Would the writer of the anti-Jiffy Buttermilk Complete Pancake and Waffle Mix “blog” disrespect NASA for Tang for not tasting like fresh squeezed orange juice, blame Quakers for the quality of instant oatmeal, or speak ill of Marco Polo because the taste and texture of Kraft Easy-Mac is sub par? I sincerely hope not! All of these products increase the quality of our daily lives in their own way, and the hard working people of Jiffy have never let me down.

In the future I hope that the editors, writers, and reader of the “Dead to Us” “blog” will take time to contemplate where our world would be without the instant products that enrich it, before taking extreme viewpoints and spreading malaise across the internet.

Sincerely,

Christopher M. Jablonski

Jiffy Perfect Pancake and Shitty Waffle Mix

Dear Editors of "Dead to Us" :

We felt it was of critical importance to inform you and your readers of a shitty product experience! Upon a recent trip to the market, my fiance was kind enough to purchase a pre-made pancake & waffle mix, seeing as it is the main source of major disagreements in our household. Trying to start off our marriage on a strong foot, Harry chose "Jiffy Perfect Pancake & Waffle Mix (tm)." Harry normally likes to make waffles from scratch. I, however, am afflicted with what the doctors call, "laziness."

Tonight we decided to make Breakfast-for-Dinner. This novel twist on meals is a great way to ring in the weekend. Harry defrosted the bacon and I commenced mixing the ingredients: Jiffy Brand mix, water, and oil.

I was confident that, indeed, we were making "Perfect" waffles. Between the two of us, we have over 20 years combined waffle making experience. Plus, I felt good that I was supporting a locally manufactured brand. We warmed up the Cuisinart* waffle maker, and the green light means, "GO!"

First Attempt: Our first waffle quickly started to ooze out the sides of the waffle maker and onto the counter. Upon opening the lid for a peek, the waffle separated into two half-baked halves. Harry quickly suggested that we (1) add more Jiffy Brand Perfect Pancake & Waffle Mix to the bowl, and (2) spray the Cuisinart with some Pam. I commended him for his quick thinking and leadership with this situation.





Take Two: After spraying the machine with aerosol oil, we still had the same problem, more or less. At this point the bacon was done and cooling on the paper towels. We were getting antsy, so we started in on the bacon. The bacon was good, and we were a little disappointed that the Perfect Waffle wasn't going to have a perfect slab of bacon to go along with it. This round of waffles was difficult to remove, and crumbled on the way to the warming ovens.












Take Three: After adding a little more vegetable oil, a little less of a sticking problem, but it was burning on the outside, while still gooey on the inside. Difficult to remove. Still crumbled. We thought that this may just be an aesthetic problem, but no. Upon tasting the Jiffy waffles, we had a few comments:
"Cakey and oily!"
"Dry, yet gooey!"
"Too sweet!"
"Just plain awful."
"It's a bad doughnut!"
"Shitty!"

The dogs liked them just fine.

From now on, we're sticking to the old fashioned methods of waffle making, as passed down through the generations. Since the batter tasted so gross and performed so poorly, we decided never to try to make the Perfect Pancake with them. I have never left a waffle unfinished, until today. Jiffy's been in business, making mixes since 1930. It's all they do! You'd think they'd have it right by now. Thumbs down, Jiffy. We want our $2.29 back!

Respectfully Submitted,
Julie Thornton and Harry Frank









*please note, we purchased the Cuisinart waffle maker before our unilateral ban on Cuisinart products.