Dear Editors of "Dead to Us" :
We felt it was of critical importance to inform you and your readers of a shitty product experience! Upon a recent trip to the market, my fiance was kind enough to purchase a pre-made pancake & waffle mix, seeing as it is the main source of major disagreements in our household. Trying to start off our marriage on a strong foot, Harry chose "Jiffy Perfect Pancake & Waffle Mix (tm)." Harry normally likes to make waffles from scratch. I, however, am afflicted with what the doctors call, "laziness."
Tonight we decided to make Breakfast-for-Dinner. This novel twist on meals is a great way to ring in the weekend. Harry defrosted the bacon and I commenced mixing the ingredients: Jiffy Brand mix, water, and oil.
I was confident that, indeed, we were making "Perfect" waffles. Between the two of us, we have over 20 years combined waffle making experience. Plus, I felt good that I was supporting a locally manufactured brand. We warmed up the Cuisinart* waffle maker, and the green light means, "GO!"
First Attempt: Our first waffle quickly started to ooze out the sides of the waffle maker and onto the counter. Upon opening the lid for a peek, the waffle separated into two half-baked halves. Harry quickly suggested that we (1) add more Jiffy Brand Perfect Pancake & Waffle Mix to the bowl, and (2) spray the Cuisinart with some Pam. I commended him for his quick thinking and leadership with this situation.
Take Two: After spraying the machine with aerosol oil, we still had the same problem, more or less. At this point the bacon was done and cooling on the paper towels. We were getting antsy, so we started in on the bacon. The bacon was good, and we were a little disappointed that the Perfect Waffle wasn't going to have a perfect slab of bacon to go along with it. This round of waffles was difficult to remove, and crumbled on the way to the warming ovens.
Take Three: After adding a little more vegetable oil, a little less of a sticking problem, but it was burning on the outside, while still gooey on the inside. Difficult to remove. Still crumbled. We thought that this may just be an aesthetic problem, but no. Upon tasting the Jiffy waffles, we had a few comments:
"Cakey and oily!"
"Dry, yet gooey!"
"Too sweet!"
"Just plain awful."
"It's a bad doughnut!"
"Shitty!"
The dogs liked them just fine.
From now on, we're sticking to the old fashioned methods of waffle making, as passed down through the generations. Since the batter tasted so gross and performed so poorly, we decided never to try to make the Perfect Pancake with them. I have never left a waffle unfinished, until today. Jiffy's been in business, making mixes since 1930. It's all they do! You'd think they'd have it right by now. Thumbs down, Jiffy. We want our $2.29 back!
Respectfully Submitted,
Julie Thornton and Harry Frank
*please note, we purchased the Cuisinart waffle maker before our unilateral ban on Cuisinart products.
